Pick Up Lines
Are we related? Do you want to be?
Can you say Constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to
Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee. (laugh profusely)
Do you know how to use a whip?
Excuse me, do you live around here often?
Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the
Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?
Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?
Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go
ahead say no.
Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these
two fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."
I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...
I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.
I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?
If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK
Like the look of your crotch.
Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.
Say, did we go to different schools together?
That outfit must make a lot of noise in the dryer, huh.
What's a slut like you doing in a classy joint like this??
Why you've got the whitest teeth I'd ever want to cum across!
Would you like Gin and platonic or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
Would you like to see me naked ??
Wow! Are you really as beautiful as you seem or do you remind me of
You are just truly absolutely beautiful! Can you cook and clean also?
You are so fine that I'd eat your shit just to see where it came from.
You know what I like about you? My arms.
You know, my mother says you have the smoothest complexion of anyone she
You look just like my mother.
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
You remind me of a girl I used to date.
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
Your name is Laura, huh? Can I call you Laura? Really, what time?
Are my undies showing? Answer: "No." You: "Would you like them to?
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
Excuse me , she says "Uh huh", do you have any Grey Poupon? no? well we
can still get the sandwich action going on baby....
hey baby, can i feel your Ginsana? (No.) Wanna feel mine?
Do you like clocks? (Yes.) Put two hands and a face on this. (Point
Do you like chocolate? (Yes.) You can have my bar.
Beer is the root of all evil. Give me a beer. I'm a WICKED root!
Hey baby... you got any diseases? Want some?
I'm an iceberg on a summer's day in South Carolina.
Is your name daisy? Because I have a sudden urge to plant you right
Pardon me, do you mind if I push in your stool?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would flip the M and W (double
If belly buttons were a status symbol, then baby you would be God.
Have you ever seen a tree branch? [Girl] Yes. [Guy] How about a root?
I have four words for you "Hol I Day Inn".
I am not a queen but I'll give you something royal.
Is your name Brandy? Because your the best liqueur I have ever had.
Do you want a worm-do? (Whats a worm do?) It does this..(Move your
finger like a worm~~~~~~)
I'd call this puppy love but I'm not into all those new positions.
Wow, your eyebrows are thick.
I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.
I'm feeling a little off today. Would you like to turn me on?
You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I can't stop ya.
Your hair is so soft. Do you use Paul Mitchell products?
You smell kinda pretty. Wanna smell me?
I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
(if your name is Dan) Did you know my name backwards is "Nad"?
Hey baby, I think you made my two by four into a four by eight.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet.
Have you ever heard of the naked pretzel? Ok, sit on my magical lap and
we'll see what rises!
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my
Buy me a beer, will ya hon?
You look like my mommy. I like my mommy.
What the hell are you looking at?
(go up to a table and whip it out) Charlie!! Anyone you recognize?
Hey... Didn't I see your name in the dictionary under "Kablaam"?
Do you have a name or can I call you mine?
Someone vacuum my lap, I think you need a clean place to sit.
Excuse me, but do you have the temperature?
I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car
If I was hungry for crabs would you spread your legs for me?
Do you have a license for that wagon you're draggin'?
Were you staring at my crotch?
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Can I impregnate you with my Demon spawn?
You can stand next to me as long as you don't talk about the heat.
Like Motel 6, I'll leave the light on for you.
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
Bitch, you without me is like Harry Melvin without Bluenotes: You'll
never go platinum.
o you like to drink through straws?
Hi, my name is Peter. Wanna find out why?
Ever seen the movie "Fear"?
If you were the alphabet, I'd place you under "O"!
I cannot believe what a complete slut you are.
Are you an oscillating fan? 'Cause your phone is ringing.
Hey Bitches!!! Free Cociane!!
How do you know that I'm not loving you now?
Do you know that the Edmonton Oilers haven't won the Stanley Cup for a
Will you be my christmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.
Your eyes remind me of diamonds, because diamonds are expensive, and so
are eye replacements, and baby- you need eye replacements.
Is that baby oil on your forehead? Cause you shine like an angel.
Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?
You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?
Would you like to shake hands with beef?
I'm not a chef or a dancer, but I can pop cherries
I treat a bitch like seven up, I never have, I never will.
Excuse me, but why is your moose drinking my cheese?
How do you make a chicken run? Hold on, and I'll have my little brother
You'd make a bishop kick out a stained-glass window.
Do you come here often or wait till you get home?
Are you cold? (Yes) You want a jacket? (Sure) Well, not here, you can
jack it when you get back to my room.
In Venezuela only real men have big mustaches.
Baby I've got one- help me make it two!
Here, you take my lollypop and I'll improvise...
If you were yogurt, would you be fruit at the bottom or stirred?
If you were the Virgin Mary, could I bless you?
Excuse me, but I think I left your sunglasses in your pocket. Mind if I
What's wrong with the chics in here? They just don't like gorgeous guys
If I look the way you look when you walk, I'd walk everywhere I went.
One day there was a bird. This was a magical bird that sang all day. It
had many jolly frolicking happy prancing friends that sang songs of joy
and happiness. Whenever they flew by the flowers they became happy too.
Then everything died. Now doesn't that just turn you on?
So....I heard you wanted to fight me.
Are those shoes, cause that is a cool calendar!
I just shit in my pants. Can I get into yours?
People say that masturbating will make you go blind, if that were true,
not only would i be blind, but my seeing eyedog would have vision
Hi, I was just wondering? Do you wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?
Oak tree leaves are green in the fall and your pants are red in the
Are you gay? Cause if you are, I just got castrated!
Can I get you a cold banana?
Ya know, if Ivanna Trump married Neil Diamond, she'd be Ivanna Diamond.
And if Ivanna Trump married Chris Rock, she'd be Ivanna Rock. If Ivanna
Trump Married Tom Cruise, she'd be Ivanna Cruise.
I once knew a squirrel named Marvin. God your hot. Marvin is in Africa
Excuse me, are you well protected?
Hey baby, everything I'm going to do to you tonight I learned at
You canít be first, but you could be next.
What's the difference between the stay puff marshmallow man and a
stay-puff marshmallow? The marshmallow will fit in your vagina.
I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.
Tuesday is coming! Did you bring your coat?
Hey, Laura! (Big hug). I haven't seen you forEVER!! (huge kiss) Wow,
you've really changed! (I'm not Laura) What? Oh my God, you even changed
So, do you like turtles?
Driving and my penis...they are both hard for you.
You, Me, and a midget makes three.
Just remember: To you, I am a virgin.
I've got a big nose, big hands, and really big feet. That's right, I'm a
Wanna see a trick I learned in prison?
You know, its girls like you that make me wish I were a lesbian.
I wanna spank you with a sack of kidney beans while you cover yourself in
whip cream and let a horny duck named jeff lick it off you.
I didn't know that Miss America used to live right here.